MuddyPuddles

I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately about my family and the history that has taken place in relation to my family.  As I look back on the stories that I’ve heard and the stories that I’ve lived, it seems kind of surreal to me that these things all really happened.  It’s made me reflect a lot. 
I often think about how quickly another week-end gets here and it’s gone before you know it only to be replaced by another one so quickly.  Time just marches by so rapidly.

The school year starts and then all of a sudden it’s time for graduation and the summer break. 

I remember many years ago, when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, thinking about what it must feel like to be 50.  What would the world look like through eyes that have been around for half a century?  I remember thinking about how weird it was going to be to write down the date in which the year did not start with a 19, but with a 20.

I remember when my boys were babies that I wondered what they would look like and be like when they grew up.  And now I know.  Even now, I wonder what my grandson, Trapper, is going to be like as an adult.  I’m not ready to experience it, however, because I’m enjoying him so much in this time of his life.  But time does march on.

I know that soon, before I can even imagine it, that I will be lying down somewhere knowing that the end of my earthly existence---my last heartbeat---my last breath---silence--- is near.  At that point I expect peace---a peace that can’t be described---only experienced.  And then, silence.  And the world will carry on. 

We are truly here on this earth but a fleeting moment.  Our bodies are frail and vulnerable.  Such a microscopic sized bug can bring down the strongest of us so quickly and so completely.

Knowing that, and knowing how quickly our life passes by, it makes sense to value each day and each moment in that day.  It makes sense to love the ones we love and to even love the ones we don’t love.  It’s reasonable to sit still and to listen and to look and to appreciate the little special things that surround us each and every day.

And those things that give us grief---the nagging illnesses or aches and pains or financial struggles or relationship struggles---somehow we’ve got to find joy even in the midst of all those thorns.  Life is too short to do otherwise.  So enjoy the blessings that are ever-present around you.  And give God the glory for his good gifts.  May he bless you greatly as you do his will.  Dennis

We didn’t have permanent fences on the farm because we didn’t raise cattle year round and the fences would have cut out a lot of good farm land because of the need to turn the tractor around at the end of the rows, etc.  But we did use electric fences that we could put around a field of stubble or of wheat when it was young and green.  This allowed us to maximize the use of the land by running 50 or so calves on it for a few months and then taking them to auction to sell.  Then we would take down the fence to prepare for next years crop.

The electric fence was a single strand of wire that was connected from post to post (one half inch diameter metal posts about two or three feet long) which were driven into the ground.  A spring mounted insulator was connected to each post so that the wire could be connected to the posts without shorting out. 

The fence would have to start out at a power source and go out around the field(s) and then return to the source so that it would make a complete electrical circuit.  At the power source was a small box that was the “fence charger” which was plugged in to a 110 volt wall outlet.  The current that came out of the box was significantly smaller (and could even be adjusted on some boxes) so that nothing would be electrocuted.  It came out in pulses of about one pulse per second.  It was powerful enough to get your attention (and that of a 2000 pound animal). 

Since it was a single strand of bare wire, sometimes things could short out the electricity so that it failed to shock.  If one of the posts got twisted around so that the wire was touching it, it would short out.  If a big old tumbleweed came rolling up against the fence it would short out.  Or, if the wire broke from a calf running through it or because of a kink in the wire, it would break the circuit and therefore it would not create a shock.  Therefore, from time to time we had to “walk out” the fence to fix the problem.  Before you walked the fence you would need to unplug the charger because if the wire was broken you would have to grab the two ends and make a loop on one, stick the other wire through the loop and make a connecting loop to connect them back together again.  Then you would walk back and plug in the charger again.

One day dad noticed that the fence wasn’t working.  So, he unplugged the charger and started walking.  He finally found the problem about a half mile from the house. 

While he was busy out walking the fence, mom was busy with the household chores.  While she was taking the trash out to the burn barrel, she noticed that the fence charger had accidentally come unplugged.  So, being the helpful wife that she was, she plugged it back in at just about the same time that dad had grabbed both ends of the broken wire. 
Dad made really good time in getting back to the house.  He let mom know, in no uncertain terms, that he had unplugged the charger ON PURPOSE and needed it to STAY UNPLUGGED because he was FIXING THE BREAK.

Through the years I’ve probably seem mom laugh about that incident at least 100 times or more.  For some reason, however, dad never did laugh all that much.  I wonder why. 

I get a charge out of this memory every time I think about it.  Now, you can too.  God Bless.  Dennis

The type of discussions we have been having for the past thirty years inside of our institutional churches is finally taking its toll on me.  In fact it has      DRIVEN    ME    UP     THE    WALL   !!!!   We have focused so much on the minutia that it just strikes me as the type of a discussion the Pharisees would have among themselves about whether they can lead three donkeys to water on the Sabbath or if they can only lead one but it's okay to tie the other two to the lead donkey (as long as they did that tying on Friday) and as long as they didn’t have to lead that donkey more than a prescribed distance to be acceptable to God.  I just think that we have been so focused on the minutia that we have lost sight of the fact that it is God that saves us and not our politically correct stance on the minutia.  This has given rise to whole new industries inside the institutions.  We’ve now got people who feel it is their primary responsibility to be stepping over the needy people to get to better vantage points to be spying out and protecting the watering holes from potential “double donkey walkers”.  We’ve got others who feel it is their primary responsibility to protect the institution and it’s traditions and it’s control structure.  We’ve lost sight of the fact that Jesus came to seek and save the lost and he did just about all of it outside of the institutional setting and that’s what we are supposed to be doing as well.  We’ve pretty much totally neglected those around us who are wandering aimlessly about and others who are searching for answers and they are COMPLETELY TURNED OFF by our minutia and our institutionalism because they couldn't care less about the name on the building or whether we sing during communion or whether we clap during a song or stand or sit or lift our hands or wear robes or call someone a preacher instead of a pastor, etc. ad nauseum, because they can't see it making an ounce of difference in their lives.  Our minutia doesn’t bring them one step closer to God.  It doesn’t even bring us one step closer to God, and in fact, it sometimes pushes us away (Gal 5:4).  As Landon Saunders said in a recent address, “If we can get the people right, we can get the doctrine right.  But if we can’t get the people right, we won’t get the doctrine right.”  And I’m afraid it’s been a long time since we got the people right.  Therefore, I’m pretty well fed up with institutional religion and all of its trappings.    

I no longer want to be a part of its religious checklist mentality.  I don't want to my faith to be resting on some man made religious structure.  I don’t want my hope to be in any institution or to be controlled by or manipulated by any group of men.  I don’t want to be subject to the conformity demands of it.  I don’t want to be sucked in to the feeling of self-righteousness that comes by following the rules and traditions of it.  I reject it outright.  

 Instead, I put my faith in Jesus Christ, my Savior.  Instead, I put my trust in God who loved me enough to send his son to die for me and who has saved me by his grace through my faith in him and in his son.  He did it all.  He gave us this 100% free gift through our faith in him.  And if I love God with all my heart and am doing everything I know to do to serve him and to love my neighbor, then I trust that God is going to take care of all the rest.  And I have total confidence that I am saved, not because of what I have done, but because of what He has done.  I don’t deserve it, but he has graciously given it to me anyway.  And I have peace with that.  Thank you God for blessing me so.  I hope I have not offended any one with this.  It was not my intent.  God Bless, Dennis

And that chore was Jarod’s job of emptying the various trash receptacles in the house.  It’s amazing how many small trash “cans” we had in the house.  There were trash cans in each bedroom, in each bathroom and in the kitchen.  There was also a larger one in the garage.

Each day, Jarod was to empty out the trash cans that needed emptying and put all the trash into a trash bag or into the large trash can located in the garage.  When that can was full it was to be tied up and taken to the street for garbage pickup. 

After a few days of this, it seemed to Jarod that it just wasn’t reasonable to have to empty a trash can that only had a little bit of trash in it.  After all, if there was plenty of room for more trash, why did it have to stay totally empty all the time.  So Jarod came up with a plan to help determine if a trash can did in fact need to be emptied.  Armed with that plan, he came to me to ask if we could implement that plan.

The plan was that if a trash can was less than half full, it shouldn’t have to be emptied.  That seemed reasonable to me and I didn’t really care if the can was completely empty as long as there was always room to throw your trash when necessary and as long as he was being “responsible”.  So, I agreed to Jarod’s plan. 

That was the last time I saw the bottom half of a trash can on a regular basis.  From that day forward, anytime the trash would get over the halfway mark, Jarod would take out the largest item or item’s to help lower the level of the trash.  If that did not suffice, he would then become a human trash compactor.  He would put his foot into the trash can and compress the trash down below the mid level mark.  Sometimes he had to put all his weight into it and even jump up and down to complete the job. 

Being the rule keeper that he was, he complied with the letter of the law and thereby provided us with half full trash cans all over the house.  In addition to that, Jarod developed a couple of useful skills along the way.  He became quite good at estimating volume and at deciphering fractions.   He knew just what size object he would have to remove to get to the necessary one-half mark.  Why settle for learning one skill if you can master three.   It was a productive venture.

When the boys were in about the 1^st and 6^th grade they had a daily ritual of coming home after school and turning on the television and watching cartoons or kid shows.  Sometimes they would go outside to play for awhile but would come back in and watch TV again.

As the evening would wear on there was a struggle that would develop around several of our daily rituals.   It was difficult to get the boys to do their homework.  Very little conversation took place during the evening meal.   It was hard to get the boys ready for and actually into bed.  It just wasn’t a positive environment around our house in the afternoons and evenings.

It was common for tensions to rise and frustrations to set in.  The environment just wasn’t conducive to effective living and to good family relationships.  Something needed to be done.

We decided that the television was the common denominator to the problems.  Everything seemed to revolve around our eyes and our minds being glued to the set.  Therefore, we made a rule that from Sunday night at 6:00 p.m. the television went off and that it couldn’t come on again until Friday after school was out. 

This felt pretty drastic, but we decided that we would try it for a week or two to see if it made any difference in our lives.  Also, we decided that it would be good if one of us (meaning Bonnie, the better story reader, usually) would read a story every night at bedtime.  The boys enjoyed her story reading and this would make it a little easier to adapt to the new TV rule.

It was really hard that first few days without the TV.  We had really gotten spoiled with the “no effort required” evening activities.  It just seemed so natural to just walk in and turn on the TV.  But, we stuck to our guns and left the TV off. 

The results were incredible.  Now, without the “one-eyed monster” to entertain them, the boys started playing outside more.  It took less of an ordeal to get them to do their homework.  We actually started having conversations around the dinner table.  The boys were much more motivated to get their pajamas on and get into bed so that they could hear the next chapter of the book that Bonnie was reading.  It was wonderful.

It soon got to be that the boys, even on the nights when TV was allowed, if given a choice, would choose to listen to Bonnie read the next chapter in the book rather than watching some show on the television set.  It was go great to hear them in there laughing or being intrigued by the turn of events or asking questions about what might happen next.  It was a powerful thing to behold and one of the wisest things we ever did.

I just got back from the ACU lectureship.  I went to several of the lectures and classes that were outstanding.  It was very inspiring and thought provoking.  One thing that blessed me greatly had to do with three different conversations I had outside of the lectures.  I made good connections with some very wonderful brethren.  One man, Bob, who has recently moved to a city as a church planter was asking me about our situation.  We only spoke for a few moments because he was called away.  But one of the last things he said was “you are not splitting the church” or “don’t look at it as a split” or something like that.  Before I had even gone to ACU I had written the following as I thought about what it means to “split the church.”  I’m posting it for your consideration.

“Split the Church”.  I’ve heard these words a lot lately.  Many have angrily accused me of trying to split the church.  If you read my blog with objectivity you would know that I’ve been trying to do just the opposite.  I’ve tried to encourage tolerance toward one another.  I’ve tried to encourage freedom and non-judgmentalism.  I’ve tried to encourage acceptance of one another.  But I think that those who disagree with my interpretation of the scriptures think I’m trying to cause a split.  

What does it mean to “split the church,” anyway.  According to the Bible, the church is Christ’s body and we are each members of it.  There are members of the Lord’s church in our town and in most towns in Texas .  We are all members of one body, the church.  Some of us meet in this town (in three or four locations).  Is that a church split?  Others of us meet in other towns.  Is the church split 3000 times in the state of Texas ?  Is the church split unless all Christians everywhere are meeting in one place?  I don’t think so.  Or if they are, it’s not a bad thing because it is unavoidable.
I have another question.  If one family leaves because they don’t feel that they can serve under the local Eldership in good conscience have they split the church?  Should they repent and come back?  If five families feel that way and leave is that “splitting the church?”  What about ten families?  What is the definition of “splitting the church” so I can recognize when it happens. 
Does it make a difference if the people leaving are the more “conservative” as opposed to the more “progressive” members as to whether it is splitting the church or not?  We need to know, because about five years ago several families of the more “conservative” persuasion left in protest of the Elders decisions but I don’t recall anyone saying that they “split the church”. 
Does that mean that it doesn’t count when “conservatives” do it?  Some of those that left back then have come back now and were even a part of the “lynch mob” a couple of weeks ago.  And now they are part of the group that is saying that the “progressives” are splitting the church (by doing exactly what they did a few years ago).  This is giving me a splitting headache---trying to understand all these technical concepts.

I’ve got another question.  If a group of families get together to form another church in another part of town is that splitting the church?  If so, I need to go up to the metroplex and warn all those people who say they are “church planting” because they are splitting the church.  What about if a group of families get together and go to a mission field to start a church.  Surely that’s not splitting the church---even though it is a group that is leaving their former church and starting another church.  What if that group has to do church differently to be able to have an impact on the culture in the area where they are going?  Is that okay?
Someone told me the other day that research has shown that smaller churches grow faster than larger churches.  They also said that the most recently formed congregations grow faster than the more established churches.  If we formed several small churches in this town and they all doubled in size in a year, would that be a good thing?  Or would it be better if we all stayed together in that one building and stayed our current size?
I know of several people who used to go to this church but quit coming because we didn’t meet their needs.  So I know that we have subtracted numbers from this church.  I can’t really think of anyone that comes to our church that we’ve added to the membership except those that moved in to our area that were already members.  So we’ve subtracted and we’ve added (in one sense).  We ought to try dividing and then, according to research, we might be able to multiply.  Though it does have it’s plusses and minuses, it might be worth a shot.  That about sums it up for now.  Gotta split.  God Bless.  Dennis     

When my oldest son, Jeff, was about 10 years old, Bonnie and I took the boys on a ski trip to Ruidoso, New Mexico .  We had been skiing before and Jeff had taken lessons and I had worked with him some, so he knew how to ski and get on the chair lifts and all those other basics one needs to know when hitting the slopes.  Jarod, on the other hand, at age 5 was experiencing his first outing.

At that time, all skiers had to start at the base where a two person chair-lift could take them up the mountain where there were several options for more chair-lifts that could take them even further up the mountain.  Since it was at Christmas time, the lines at the bottom lift were fairly long.

To make the line move more rapidly, the staff encouraged people who were skiing single (without a partner) to yell “single” so that they could be paired up with someone else who was also “single” so they could ride the chairlift together.  This was oftentimes a great advantage for the single skier because he had the opportunity to legally cut in line for the good of all. 

Since I was there with both my boys and Bonnie wasn’t too interested in skiing that day, I told Jeff that I needed to help Jarod get on and off the lift and that he needed to yell out “single” so that he could ride with someone else.  Jeff wasn’t too keen on the idea of riding up with a stranger, but after some gentle prodding he reluctantly hitched a ride.  I told him to wait for us at the top. 

When Jarod and I arrived at the top we found Jeff waiting as agreed.  To my pleasant surprise, Jeff’s first words were (with enthusiasm) “man, that guy was interesting!”  “Really,” I said.  “Yeah, he was interesting!”

My first thought was “what could someone say on a 5 minute chairlift ride that would make a 10 year old boy think he was interesting?”  So, I asked Jeff to tell me what was said.  After a brief explanation of the ride, it dawned on me that this was a perfect teaching opportunity.  So, we spent the next few minutes observing (wisdom) what had taken place and then capitalizing on it for use in our own lives.

What had taken place was that Jeff’s “new best friend” had asked Jeff a few questions.   He had asked Jeff where he was from and how old he was.  He had asked him how long he had been at the ski slopes and how many days he was going to be here.  He had asked him about which ski run was his favorite.  He had asked him about his family and about his favorite sports.  In short, all the conversation was about Jeff.

So, I reaffirmed to Jeff that he thought this guy was interesting, “right”?  Jeff said “yes.”  And I pointed out that all the questions the guy had asked were about you, “right”?  Jeff said “yes.”  And I pointed out the human nature in us that makes us believe that people who are interested in us are interesting to us.  And a light bulb came on in Jeff’s head.

I asked Jeff if he wanted people to think he was interesting.  He said, “yes.”  Then what you need to do is to ask the people about themselves and they will see you as an interesting person.  The light bulb brightened.  We then set about picking out about 5 or 6 questions that Jeff could ask each of the new best friend strangers he would be riding with so that he would be prepared to ask them the questions. 

From that moment on, Jeff’s outlook on the day changed.  Originally he was planning to ride the chairlift so he could ski down the mountain.  Now, his purpose was to ski down the mountain so he could ride the chairlift.  It was great to watch him eagerly yelling out “single” and then to watch him in line as he anxiously waited for the chair ride to start.  Then he would start pummeling his new companion with questions.  It was great!  He ended the day feeling very interesting indeed.

Now, as a grown man, Jeff is considered a very interesting person by many people.  Bonnie and I receive compliments about him all the time.  And, periodically, I gratefully think back to that friendly stranger on that two man chairlift on the mountain.  And I thank him for being such an "interesting" person.  I'm sure he doesn't have a clue about how much impact his friendliness has made in Jeff's life.  It was a defining moment.  May God Bless him and May God Bless you.  Have an awesome week!  Dennis 

I have this mutated gene in me that has given me a weird sense of humor in some ways.  There have been many times in my life that I have been in a group of people and something would happen and I would just burst out laughing.  Others would witness the exact same thing that I did but they would see nothing funny about it.  They would be caught totally off guard when I laughed.   They would then give me this strange look and say “what’s so funny?”  Or they would look at Bonnie and ask her what I'm laughing about and she will say “He’s just weird” or something to that effect.  Unfortunately, these episodes often take place at the most inappropriate times and there is nothing I can do about it. 

Also unfortunately, I have passed this gene on down to my youngest son, Jarod.  I remember one time when he was about 6 or 8 years old and he was sitting on the church pew between his mother and me and he got the giggles.  His head was just barely sticking up above the back of the pew but our friends from a few rows back had a good view of the situation.  Jarod would giggle and Bonnie would lean over and threaten him with some kind of stern warning and that would set him off to laughing even harder.  She would lean over again and the whole process was repeated.  Our friends later told us that it looked like Bonnie was leaning over and telling him jokes because his whole body would just bob up and down with laughter every time she leaned over and said something to him.  I didn’t get involved in this particular situation because it was all I could do to keep from laughing myself. 

My manifestations of this problem have often happened in a church setting as well---usually when I've been called on to lead singing.  I remember one time when it was the fourth Wednesday of the month and so it was devotional night.  We were meeting in the back few rows of the auditorium as was our custom at the time.  A speaker stand was set up in the middle aisle so we would all be compacted in there together and close to the speaker.  The plan for this particular night was that someone would get up and lead a couple of songs and then someone would get up and lead a prayer or read a scripture followed by someone else leading a couple more songs, etc.  It was all scripted and everyone knew who they were to follow. 

It was my assignment to lead a couple of songs after a certain elderly gentleman had led us in a prayer.  When it came time for this wonderful man to lead the prayer he started walking up the aisle with several books and a notebook in his hand.  He had to hold on to these things with both hands because they were too bulky for one hand.  When he was about two steps from the podium, his pants started to fall down.  They wouldn't fall unless he took that next step since his spred legs were kind of holding them up.  He couldn’t let go of the books to grab his pants or he would have dropped them.  He needed to take one more step to reach the podium to set the books on but his pants would drop if he did.  He was in a dilemma.  So he took that last step and placed his books on the stand.  Sure enough, his pants fell completely down to his ankles. 
I looked up just in time to take this all in.  He quickly had them pulled back up before most people looked up to see him.  Knowing I was going to have to lead a couple of songs after witnessing that episode had me thinking “Why me Lord?  Why me?” 

He finished his prayer (which seemed very short) and I went forward and announced the song number.  I started the song but I had to stop singing several times to keep from bursting out laughing as the members carried on with the song.  They were all puzzled at my behaviour (or misbehaviour) which made it even harder for me to keep a straight face.  At the end of the first verse I acted like I had pitched it wrong and said something to that effect (so I wouldn’t embarrass the man) and then said “let’s go on to the next song” which I announced.  I was grinning like a possum the whole time.  I just couldn’t help it (weird humor gene in effect). 

Most people didn’t have a clue as to why I was grinning and laughing.  I started the next song and had the same problem with it as I did the first one.  It was all I could do to keep from bursting forth in laughter (as I would have definitely done had it been five years earlier).  When we finally got to the end of the verse (which felt like an hour later) I stopped the song and said, “I had better quit right there” and sat down.  It was a truly inspiring service.  Even though it’s been quite a few years since it happened, I remember it to this day---and so does the friend that reminded me about it. 

Thanks J. 
God Bless, Dennis

I spend a lot of time pondering about this blog---not just about what I want to write, but about what it is accomplishing (or not).  Is it doing good?  Is it doing bad?  Is it helping?  Is it hurting?  And I get a lot of input from a lot of people about it as well.  And although I think it does have some aspects that are hurtful and damaging, I think that much much more good comes from it than bad.  If I didn’t believe that, I would stop it---or modify it (you ought to see the blogs I didn’t post---well, maybe you shouldn’t).
For example, quite a few people have told me that they are studying their Bible more now because of this blog than they were before (even if (or maybe because) they disagree with what is written here).  I would say that this is a good thing---wouldn’t you? 
I’ve also seen people who are now taking an active role in their own spiritual well-being and development.  Before now, they were just kind of coasting along aimlessly.  Now, they are looking inside of themselves and evaluating what they believe and why they believe it.  They are thinking about things and a few of them are even pondering---and that’s really good. 
I’ve made new friends from other parts of the country and have developed some email friends with whom I study the Bible regularly and discuss topics through private emails.  That’s awesome.  This provides growth for them and for me. 
Because of this blog and the many comments from you, my dear readers, people are looking at what you are saying as well as how you are saying it and they are learning what kind of responses are the most beneficial.  What I mean is that some comments are focused on the issues that we are discussing.  They are focused on trying to persuade or to understand or to find solutions.  Other comments are focused on jabbing someone personally or reacting negatively or harshly at others.  My strong preference is that people don’t react uglyly (ug lee lee) to each other but that they try to discuss these important topics in a civil and loving manner.  Much more good will come out of it that way.  But some people just can’t help themselves---we are human, after all. 

One of the greatest benefits goes mostly undetected, but I know it’s there.  There are many readers of this blog who are somewhere out there in the middle.  They haven’t quite decided what they should do---who they should believe---how they should react.  They are torn.  They are weighing the arguments and the attitudes of both sides.  There are some readers who will think I’m the Devil warmed over no matter what I say.  I like hearing from them---especially if they are discussing the issues rather than criticizing the shape of my horns.  There are others who think much like me and that are even challenging my thinking and stretching my mind and helping me to grow.  They really “get” me.  They know my dry humor and like it.  I’m grateful to these awesome individuals (they have really good taste---don’t you think?)  Most comments come from these two groups. 
The perception held by that third group in the middle is very important to me as well (and in some ways the most important).  I especially want them to carefully read what I say.  I want them to look at my heart and my desire and to really grasp what I’m trying to accomplish.  I think they are the most likely to gain the most.  (Those who agree with me have already seen the gain.  Those who radically disagree with me are least likely to budge.)  So, in order to win the hearts and minds of those in the middle, I’m asking all of you who pretty much agree with me to be very kind and considerate in your comments.  Do not snipe---even when sniped at.  Show reason and class and clarity of thought. 
To those who think that I’m evil incarnate, snipe away.  Lash out and tell them what you really think of me.  Don't let me get away with misrepresenting what the Bible says.  Put me in my place.  By all means, do not respond reasonably and respectfully.  Because then it would be more difficult to persuade those middle people to come to my way of thinking.  Thanks in advance.
God Bless, Dennis

It is interesting to me that those who don’t want change and don’t like clapping and those types of things are upset and/or mad at those who have left.  Many of those who have left do want change and do want freedom to clap and various things without being condemned or shunned for it.  Others may not really want change, but they just don’t want to be around people who are so condemning of those who do.

Those who don’t want change were also the ones who were calling for the preacher’s termination and were glad when it happened.  But now they are upset and mad because those people, who liked Don’s preaching and felt like he was doing a good job, left when Don was fired.  Those who left did everything they could to let their feelings be known and to let the anticipated consequences of such an action be known (before it happened).  But they might as well have been trying to whistle with a mouth full of crackers for all the good it did.  They felt totally ignored.  They felt like their words had fallen on deaf ears.  How could anyone expect them to respond positively when they were being totally ignored and brushed aside?  That’s not realistic at all.  Nobody does that.

Since those people left I have seen almost no evidence of remorse (one individual only) or reaching out in any positive way to those who left.  But I’ve seen repeated evidence of bitterness and resentment and condemnation instead.  It makes no sense to me to drive someone away and then condemn them or be upset at them for not coming back (or for leaving in the first place).  I keep thinking “What’s wrong with this picture?”