MuddyPuddles

I never would have expected that I would write something about New York Football Giants quarterback, Eli Manning, on my blog.  Until about the last half of the last quarter in the Giants win over Green Bay last week, I didn’t really even like or respect him.  But he’s won me over. 

That being said, I still don’t think Eli is a team leader.  He’s not a motivational leader.  He’s not an inspirational leader.  He usually seems to be in some sort of zombie trance with a totally blank look on his face.  (He looks like he’s about to drool at any moment.)  If he didn’t have the name, Manning, I doubt that he would be starting on any team in the NFL at this time. 

            But in spite of everything, he’s turned a very poor early season (and past seasons) performance(s) into an outstanding end of the season as well as post-season performance.  In spite of a rough start with two losses and then later losing a key receiver (pro bowl tight end, Jeremy Shockey), he and his team have overcome major obstacles to get into the playoffs and then have pulled off major upsets at Dallas and Green Bay.  All this took place due largely to the elevated play of Eli Manning.  His team has also set an NFL record for the most wins on the road in a season with eleven.  That’s pretty amazing.

            But the reason I wanted to write about this has little to do with football and much to do with human nature.  What caused Eli to catch fire?  I think I know.  And I’d like to share that with you now.  I think it all started with the injury to Shockey.  As good as Shockey was as a receiver, I think his presence on the field hurt Eli’s performance.  I think Shockey was one of those guys that Eli couldn’t satisfy no matter what.  And if you feel like you can’t live up to a dominating team member's expectations and he makes it clear to you that you are not living up to expectations, you’re going to press and when you press you make mistakes which reinforces the negative perception.  When Shockey went down, Eli didn’t have to work so hard at throwing him the ball.  Instead, he could look for the open receiver and spread the ball around which built team spirit and confidence due to the success. 

            The best teams (athletic, church, work, committees, etc.) are not always made up of the most gifted players.  Sometimes the best teams are made up of mediocre players who work extremely well together.  Your strengths can have unintended negative consequences if you present them wrong.   Your deep knowledge may be rejected if people see you as uncaring or arrogant or selfish.  Many people are much more drawn to a good listener than a knowledgeable speaker.  Most students perceive their best teachers to be the ones who cared, rather than the ones who had the most knowledge of the subject.  You know this is right.      

            I think a similar people dynamic was happening when Eli played before the home crowd and the New York media.  New Yorkers are notorious for requiring more of their teams than most cities.  If you don’t win quickly, they get down on you quickly (thanks to the Yankees).  At home, Eli was feeling more and more of this negative energy being directed at him since they weren’t winning.  On the road, he was free to play his game without having to focus so much on satisfying his fans.  The away crowd was supposed to be hostile so it’s easier to deal with it.  But if the home crowd turns on you---that’s pretty heavy on your psyche.

            Compounding on these two issues was the problem of being Payton Manning’s little brother.  It’s hard enough being anybody’s little brother, but when you are competing at the same position as Peyton Manning, that’s amazingly overwhelming.  The day that Peyton first came to Eli’s game, Eli threw 4 interceptions.  He was overwhelmed with the “giant” in whose shadow he was standing.  (Peyton stayed away from the next game and Eli did great.) 

To sum it up as far as Eli’s performance is concerned, when Peyton is not there, Shockey’s not playing and they are on the road, Eli plays awesome.  So that begs the question, is Peyton going to the Superbowl?  If he does, I predict the Giants will lose.  If he stays away, I predict they will win.  I know that those are not the only factors in determining the outcome---not by a long shot.  But that’s my prediction and I’m sticking to it.    

God Bless.

Dennis 

Recently I’ve been in discussions with several people about salvation.  We’ve been discussing the question about “Once saved, always saved”.  I decided that I wanted to open this discussion up to everyone through this blog.  I’m going to give you a few verses that seem to indicate to me that someone who has been saved can turn away from God and then be lost.  I know that not every one agrees with this and so I would like to hear the reasoning behind the opposing view if you are willing to share.  I know that some would say that they never were really saved in the first place even though we might have thought they were.  I will really try to be open minded about this so join into the discussion with your thoughts---even if you don’t feel sure about where you are.  Let’s learn together.

I’ve got several scriptures that I’ll share with you and I’ll go ahead and write them out so you won’t have to dig quite as much.  I have others as well but won’t put them all down up front.

This first passage seems to indicate to me that God, who has grafted in the Gentiles to the branch (Christ) can also “regraft” in those who have been broken off.  They were a part of the branch, then broken off and “lost”, but can be regrafted in if they repent.   

    [2] Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all. [3] Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law. [4] You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.

Doesn’t this passage indicate that we, like the Galatians, if we revert back to trying to earn our salvation by works have fallen away from grace.  

The other day a friend of mine was talking about how he hated it when an acquaintance of his kept saying the phrase “Do you know what I mean?”  It wasn’t that this was a bad phrase in and of itself.  It was just that the person using it would use it on things that were so simple that if felt like an insult when he said it.   “I don’t like hamburgers---do you know what I mean?”  “It’s cold and windy today---do you know what I mean?”  “I hate it when I run out of gas---do you know what I mean?”  Duh!!!  Of course I know what you mean---do you know what I mean?  What made this conversation kind of interesting was that a few days later I was with a long distance friend who used that same phrase on me a few times.  I almost laughed every time he said it.  I never said anything about it, but it humored me inside.  

It got me to thinking about conversation habits in general.  It got me to thinking about my own tendencies.  I remember about 30 years ago how I observed an older and wiser man use the phrase “don’t you think?” at the end of his statements.  It seemed like a good way to sort of get your way without coming across too pushy, don’t you think?  “We can eat at McDonalds, don’t you think?”  “We can do the chores later, don’t you think?”  It seemed to be working pretty well until I overused it and a fed up friend called me on it.  Then I realized that it was kind of manipulative and that manipulating others wasn’t too good of a way to be anyway.  Sharp people will catch you every time---even if you don’t think they will, don't you think?

Since then (and even before then, actually) I’ve been an observer of conversationalists.  Some people are so good at explaining things and others are so bad.  Many people (including myself occasionally) are deep in thought and then they all of a sudden blurt out something like you were supposed to know what they have been thinking about.  Or sometimes they are talking about one subject and jump over to another subject without warning and they leave us all confused.  Other people explain things in such detail that you just want to tell them to “get to the point” (I know I’ve been guilty of this as well).  Others just keep repeating the same point multiple times.  Repetition is good if it's done right.  If it's done wrong, it's kind of heavy and burdensome.  Not many people do it right.     
One of the best people I’ve ever seen at handling difficult situations used a technique of setting up his key statements with preliminary statements.  He would preface his remarks with some sort of disclaimer or modifier and then would tactfully broach the difficult subjects.  He would "frame up" or "reframe" the subject before getting into it.  After observing him for awhile I decided that there is a best way to say everything---even with very difficult, touchy subjects.  I was thankful that I got to observe this master of difficult speech.

When I was on the school board, Laverne was outstanding at periodically saying, “I just want to make sure we are all on the same page.  What I understand Joe to be saying is blah, blah, blah.  Is that right, Joe?”  It was a great clarifying statement and she was good at knowing when to use it.  And it did help us to all stay on the same page at critical times. 

When I am speaking in front of a group I have to work on  several problems.  One is knowing how simple to make my statements.  I don't want to insult people, but I want to be clearly understood.  Another is knowing how to say things smoothly so that they flow.  I have a tendency to be a little choppy when I speak before a group (Hey, I'm working on it.)  And finally, I struggle with knowing how much not to say.  I have a tendency to want to say too much.  I have to watch that.  I even wrestle with that on writing my blog.  I want to say enough, but not too much.  Brevity is difficult for me because I’m just not sure I can get enough information into the article if I cut it short.  I want to be clear about what I'm trying to say and I want it to be said in an interesting way---not "just the facts, ma'am". 
I think most of us probably feel (and are) guilty of all types of miscues from time to time.  I know I'm guilty of most, if not all of the faults I've mentioned.  But I want to get better.  To do that, for those of you that know me, I would value your input about areas I need to work on.  The good thing about this blog is that you can do it anonymously, do you know what I mean?  It could help me, don’t you think?  You won't hurt my feelings.  I promise.  I appreciate all of the comments from my awesome readers (and the rest of you too).  I'd also be curious as to what some of your pet peeves are in regard to speech and communication and conversation.  It will help us all to think about how we do what we do.  So please share.  Thanks and God Bless.  Dennis    

Near the end of last year I watched the movie, “Pursuit of Happiness” starring Will Smith.  It was based on a true story about a man who was pretty much flat broke whose marriage was falling apart and whose prospects for success in any area of his life were looking pretty bleak.  It showed how he overcame incredible odds to become a successful businessman after much great sacrifice and determination.  As a part of the movie, part of what opened the door for him to advance to the next level was his ability to solve a “Rubik’s Cube” in the presence of his potential boss during a taxi ride across town.  A statement he made during the process opened my eyes to a better understanding about how a Rubik’s Cube works.  (For those of you who may not know what a Rubik’s Cube is---tough cookies.  You’ll have to ask somebody to explain because I’m not going to do it here and now and that’s a fact.)  He said that whatever color is in the middle of the side is the correct color for that side.  In other words, just because one side may have eight white squares and one blue one doesn’t make it a white side.  If the center square is blue, it is the blue side and not the white side.  All the white squares are out of place.  This piece of information---knowledge---inspired me to buy a Rubik’s cube to see if I could learn to solve it.

            It took awhile, but I actually solved the Rubik’s cube.  I had to use instructions that I found on the internet to solve the problem, but I actually solved it.  In the process, I’ve thought about how great a metaphor for life is involved with this little cube.  It is so much like life and people’s lives.  And so I want to share some of those metaphors with you today. 

            The first thing I thought about is the thing I’ve already told you about (white squares all around the blue one).  With life, as well as the cube, if you don’t have the heart right, it’s not going to work.  You’ve got to have the heart right to be what God wants you to be. 

            Secondly, every time you move one square, it affects other squares as well.  In fact you cannot move only one square.  In order to move one square, you have to move the whole group of squares.  Everything we do in life impacts not only ourselves, but it necessarily affects other things (or people) with which we are connected.  We can’t do anything in total isolation (“Every action produces an equal and opposite reaction.”)   

            Thirdly, it’s much easier to start something than it is to finish it.  The method I use to solve the cube is to work on the top level first, then the second (middle) level and then the final level.  When you are focusing on the top level, it doesn’t matter if the bottom two levels are all out of order.  You can (and must) transfer cubes in and out of  the 2nd and 3rd levels to get them all organized and to the right spot on the top level.  It doesn’t matter what that does to the arrangement in the lower levels.  By the time you work on the bottom level however, it becomes more complicated.  If you are not careful you will mess up the top levels (which were all in the correct order) in the process.  This can put you right back where you started from---in chaos.  It defeats the purpose. 
       Fourthly, this puzzle can be solved by following detailed instructions or it can be solved by understanding what is happening with each turn.  I have learned to understand what is taking place---the bigger picture---while solving the top row.  I have a decent (not great) grasp of the consequences of turning things a certain way and can therefore manipulate the situation in such a way that I move the block I choose to move and I don’t move the block I choose to leave in place.  My mind can grasp what is happening overall.  In solving the edge pieces of the middle row, I have learned the formula to get the desired block from one spot to another, but my grasp on exactly why this formula works---what is taking place--- is very vague.  It’s starting to come into focus a little bit, but it is still very foggy in my brain.  By the time I get to the third row, I can follow the written formula, but I don’t have much of a clue at all about what is taking place.  It just solves the problem, but I really don't know how.  I just know that if I follow the instructions precisely (which is not always easy) then the outcome will be successful.  If I fail to follow the rules, I will fail to solve the problem.       

            We don’t necessarily have to understand why some things in life work for them to work.  If we follow certain rules we will have the consequences that come with those actions.  If we don’t follow them, it doesn’t matter if we understand them or not.  We will fail.  If you spend less than you make, your life is going to be much better than if you make less than you spend.  If you take in more calories than you burn up you will gain weight.  If you burn up more calories than you take in, you will lose weight.  These are facts that are useful to know if you want to gain or lose weight.  And we can all grasp them pretty easily.  One that is less easy to grasp is to “love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you.”  Though that may not seem like the best course of action to the average person, in reality, it is.  And the wiser we are, the more we not only understand the rule, but the more we understand why the rule works.

            Finally, I’ve noticed that after I have the top two rows solved, it’s a little bit difficult to make myself do the final row because I will have to temporarily mess up the other rows to get the bottom row in order (and I worked so hard to get them right.)  We sometime settle for life as it is, even knowing that it could be better, because we don’t want to risk losing what we’ve got.  Abused spouses will often stay in the relationship because, as bad as it is, at least it is a known quantity---at least they have a roof over their head---at least they have food to eat, etc.  We are usually more afraid of the unknown than we are dissatisfied with the known.  And this often holds us back from making progress.

            In one way I could think of every person as a type of Rubik’s Cube.  We are each at some level of solving the puzzle of life.  Some people’s puzzle looks pretty messed up.  And every choice they make seems to only complicate their life more.  My heart goes out to these people.  Others are making progress in getting it solved.  They may have started off in chaos and made some wrong turns along the way but they are starting to make some progress and some good choices and it’s getting their life in order.  Some look like they have a lot of pieces in order but don’t have their heart in the right place so we know they are headed for disappointment.  A few are making great progress because they are following some rules that some wise person laid before them.  They don’t really understand how these rules are working, but they are following the rules and it seems to be working for them.  A very few have a deeper understanding about how life works and how to make things better.  They not only know the rules, but they understand the principals behind the rules and what makes them work.  They avoid many mistakes because of their understanding.  They are perceptive and wise and have their hearts in the right place.  They are self controlled and because of their wisdom have great influence on those around them.  They haven’t solved the puzzle completely, however, but they have made great progress.   

            Only one has all the pieces in the right place and that’s Jesus Christ.  He understands the puzzle completely.  In fact, he invented it.  And if we listen to him, he will help us as we struggle to solve our own puzzles and as we help others to solve theirs.  He’s the teacher.  He’s the good Shepherd.  He has the words of life. 

May God Bless you as you listen to him. 
Dennis
P.S.  I think your corners are backwards!

This unhappy gentleman is representative of a category of people who place their hope in a particular religious organization or in a system of man-made doctrine and whose allegiance naturally follows their hope. Missing is an understanding that Jesus really is our Savior, that he took our place in his own perfect doing and dying to set us right with God, and that our energies now are devoted to responding to God's grace and not to cobbling together some kind of personal righteousness with which we hope to barter or bargain with the Almighty. In the view of my friend, salvation depends on being in the "right" church and reaching all the "right" conclusions in studying the Bible. Because this understanding of salvation provides no room for error, those who advocate it must pretend that they are now correct on every doctrinal point and persuade themselves of that illusion.

Laboring under this impossible burden, its carriers also feel logically obligated to condemn all who differ with them, who -- since they themselves are definitely right -- must be absolutely wrong. Wearing these blinders, one might acknowledge that another person generally lives a godly and upright life (as my friend would say of me), yet not hesitate to conclude and to announce to others that the person who differs from himself is willfully twisting God's Word, knowingly teaching fatal error and consciously misleading others into what he clearly knows to be wrong.

I wrote back to this gentleman and assured him that my theological differences with him resulted from intensive Bible study over many years and are truly spoken in all good faith. I expressed regret that he seemingly trusts in something that can never provide hope or salvation. And I prayed that the God who spoke light out of darkness in the beginning would now shine in this friend's heart to show him the divine glory in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 4:6). I understand where my friend is in his thinking. I was there once myself -- and still would be, but for the grace of God.

_______________________

Copyright 2008 by Edward Fudge. Permission hereby given to copy, reprint or redistribute this gracEmail in its entirety (including this copyright notice) and not for financial profit.

I was watching my 4 year old grandson, Trapper, as he was playing a “Star Wars” computer game last week.  It is amazing to me at how skilled he was at manipulating the characters.  Part of the objective of the game was to destroy the bad guys.  The bad guys would fall apart (much like dismantled lego figures) when they got hit with the light sabers or the laser bullets.  As I watched him play, I got to thinking about the game and about how it is easy to know which ones are the bad guys.  It’s obvious.  They are always dressed certain ways and they are out there trying to shoot you or hurt you in some way.  And it’s always the good guys against the bad guys (with you being one of the good guys).

It reminds me about how things always were in the cowboy “western” shows as I was growing up.  The good guys always wore the white hats and the bad guys wore the black hats.  The good guys always won in the end, but not without some precarious, cliff-hanging, moments. 
Reality is a little different---on several different levels.  For one thing, sometimes the bad guys in today’s world seem to win.  Not every murderer or bank robber or kidnapper or bomber is caught.  Sometimes they get away (at least in this life). 

On another level, though we may see ourselves as good (or bad), none of us, in reality, is all good or all bad.  But we each have these periodic (sometimes daily) internal battles that we deal with.  Sometimes we are strong and do good in spite of any temptation to do bad.  Then, there are those times that we do bad in spite of our overall desire to do good.  We sometimes choose to stumble when we know we shouldn’t.  (And sometimes we are just clueless and do good or bad inadvertently.) 
Sometimes we think we are doing good when we are actually creating bad results.  Our motives might be right, but the end result is actually bad.  In “The Millionaire Next Door”, (one of the books listed on the side panel), it talks about how some financially well-off parents try to help their less motivated or less gifted kids (financially and other ways) to a greater degree than they help their more independent kids.  They believe that some of their (adult) kids can take care of themselves but that one or more of their “disadvantaged” kids needs some extra help.  This wouldn’t be too bad unless and until it actually makes the kid dependent for life.  It told of 60 year old children still depending, financially, on their aging parents.  The parents meant well by giving their children money each year to “help” them, but they actually created adult dependents in the process.  And that’s not good---even if the motives were right.

And then we have those in our lives with less than honorable motives.  These try to appear good but really don’t care too much about us at all.  Many advertisers will tell us whatever we want to hear if it will make us buy the product---even if it’s worthless.  Politicians will sometimes tell us what we want to hear (and leave out what we might not like) if they think it will get our vote.  Many construction contractors or workers will promise whatever we want to hear if it will get them the job or advance their momentary objective ($$$).  And this holds true right on down the line from employers to employees to relatives to friends.  I just visited with a good friend who feels like he has been brushed off by some with whom he shared some concerns.  I know, personally, the people who brushed him off and know that they are good caring people.  My guess is they were probably so distracted by their own problems and circumstances that they didn’t really focus on my friend’s needs.  They didn’t give it the value it deserved.  We all do that at times.  And we all feel that at times.

Sometimes motives are assigned to us that are not true but are merely misunderstandings.  One of my life long friends has told me of how people have sometimes accused him of being stuck up because he wouldn’t speak to them.  He said that he was just very shy and people assigned his quietness to stuckupness.  He had no motives, but some were assigned to him.   

There is much truth-stretching and deception (self and otherwise) and outright lying around us every day.  Sometimes we fall prey to this deception.  Sometimes we fail to ever realize that we’ve been duped.  Other times we finally realize it (usually when it is too late to do anything about it).

The truth is that we all have a flawed view of reality.  Some of the things we think are good are in reality bad and vice versa (Is there anything that doesn’t cause cancer?  Is jogging bad for your joints?  Is TV bad for you?  Is universal health care good for our country?  Are school vouchers good?)    Many if not most of the things we hear being promoted have some sort of agenda attached to them (There are NO major laws that are passed without “earmarks” being attached to sneak in private funding for special interest projects of the various congressmen?).  Motives are seldom as pure as the wind driven snow.  We are influenced in our thinking by what we have been taught or by our prejudices (like the father in the hospital who thought his new born baby (who was the ugliest one there in my opinion) was “without a doubt” the cutest baby there).

So what do we do with all this information?  How much skepticism is healthy and how much is damaging?  How do you know who and what to trust?  How much should you rely on what others tell you?  These are the never ending questions.

My guess is that you maintain an awareness of this human condition as you travel down the road of life.  You gather as much information as you reasonably can before making big decisions.  You don’t risk more than you can afford to lose.  You err on the side of kindness and gentleness and courtesy.  You forgive easily, even before it is asked.  You take care of your business as best you can.  And you pray for mercy.   And that’s a good thing. 

God Bless.  Dennis