MuddyPuddles

I was over at my in-laws house today and was shown a letter that someone had sent them.  It was actually a printout of my last post from the other day---“Marching Forward”.  I’m not sure who sent it because it had no return address and no one signed it.  It had a few words highlighted for some reason---words like “disaster” and “safe” and “Dennis”. 
I think this was probably intended to either “get me in trouble” with my in-laws or to upset them about my blog or something like that.  I don’t think it was meant to encourage them, because it, like the other similar anonymous letters they have received, was unsigned and there was no return address.  (Note: one day later, Sue received another similar letter with some ugly comments written at the bottom.)
My father-in-law is 80 years old.  My mother-in-law is a few years younger.  They are some of the most awesome and kind and caring people I have ever known.  They have always exhibited great faith and love and kindness.  They have both been great examples to me and I love them dearly.

I can’t imagine anyone who claims to be a Christian who would be so small as to deliberately do something that they believe would upset this wonderful Godly couple in any way.  Can you?  What kind of a spiritually deficient heart could be involved with this kind of action?  A misguided one for sure.

What’s kind of interesting about it is that my in-laws read my blog every day.  Though they don’t agree with everything I say, they agree with most of it.  Regarding the things about which we disagree, it doesn’t diminish the love they have and show for me at all.  And, we regularly discuss the topics from time to time.

If you are sending those letters, I hope you will look inside your heart to determine your motives.  If it is not you but you know who it is, I would recommend you talk to them about it.  I personally don’t think it represents the heart of a large group of people, but I guarantee that it doesn’t enhance the appearance of the group to which this person belongs either. 

Tell this person to put their 41 cents and their efforts toward a good cause.  Let’s have peace and good will between us.

God Bless,  Dennis     

I’m scheduled to attend a “Dynamic Marriage Facilitator-Training” Seminar in a few weeks.  I’ve heard really good things about this program and the impact it can have on marriages so I decided that it would be a good thing for me to delve into.  Not everyone who attends these training seminars is/are approved as facilitators, so I have no guarantees that I will become certified, but I’m going to give it a shot.  If it is Gods will, then it will happen. 

Part of the preliminary requirements to attending this training program is that I do some reading and some self-assessment type homework.  This self assessment has to do with my marriage to Bonnie and our relationship in our marriage.  Each spouse is supposed to fill out a questionnaire about how the other spouse is meeting their needs (or not).  (That’s a scary thought.)  Then, in the seminar I suppose, there will probably be some communication between spouses about those needs as well as the ranking of those needs by each spouse.  I’m sure that there will be some “communicating” going on.  (This is just my guess.)

What I’m trying to get to is the point that I have been so blessed to have Bonnie as my wife.  I knew that fact this morning when I woke up, but after breaking it down more completely in this written exercise this evening, I’ve been made more keenly aware of just how blessed I am to be her husband. 

What’s interesting about that to me is the fact that there was a significant span of years that I felt very frustrated with our marriage.  And, (I know it will be hard for all of you to believe, but) it wasn’t exactly a picnic for her either.  There were times that I really didn’t think our marriage would make it.  Thankfully, however, we somehow made it through those difficult times and got to those “just passably neutral” times.  And then we made it through those passably neutral times to these lovely and positive times of today.

There is peace and joy and love in our marriage.  I greatly enjoy my relationship with Bonnie.  I love our discussions about all types of things.  I appreciate her wisdom and insight.  I value her input.  And, I value her friendship.  God has been so good to me.  In short, I feel blessed---and I wanted to share it with you. 

But it’s not to brag or boast or gloat about our marriage.  And I want to make sure that you know that I don’t judge anyone else about their marriage---about how it has or has not worked out.  I know that each and every situation is different.  And I know that each and every relationship is different.  So I am in no position to make judgments about what has or has not gone on in any one’s marriage.  And I don’t think less of anyone who is divorced or separated.  I just don’t.  But I do humbly thank God for blessing me with this wonderful gift. 

And I hope that, if your marriage is struggling and it’s not so much fun and you kind of hate it, that you realize that it may not always be that way.  It is possible, in some cases, for there to be happier days ahead.  So, I want to encourage you in spite of your struggling marriage.  You just might get to that joyous time ahead.  And that is my wish for you.  I wish for each of you, my dear readers, nothing but wonderful fulfilling relationships in your life ahead.  May God Bless you richly in this manner.

Dennis     

The Gift of Forgiveness

In the closing paragraph of “White Marble” (9/3/07) I said:
“I bet God feels the same way about me as I feel about Trapper.  And the gift he gave me was a million times more precious than anything I’ve ever given to anyone.  And when I partake of the bread which represents the body of his son, and when I partake of the fruit of the vine which represents his blood that was shed for me I am so thankful for a God that loved me so much.  In light of that gift, what would I be willing to give to him?  What do I have that is precious that I would be willing to give?”

I would like to ponder this gift that God gave us a little more deeply.  He gave us something that was not only valuable to Him, but it was the MOST valuable thing he could give---his only Son.  I wonder if he loved us (while we were yet sinners) more than he loved his only Son?  If not, then why give Him?  Why would you give something that you would consider more valuable for something that you consider less valuable?

When Jesus came to earth, he gave up perfection to come live among corruption.  He had equality with God, but was willing to give it up for us.
  
     (Christ Jesus:)  "Who, being in very nature God,

        did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

    [7] but made himself nothing,

        taking the very nature of a servant,

        being made in human likeness.

    [8] And being found in appearance as a man,

        he humbled himself

        and became obedient to death--

            even death on a cross!  (Philip. 2:6-8 (NIV))

He was willing to not only die for us, but to take on our sins as well---and not only to take on our sins, but to become sin itself. 

 “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  (2 Cor. 5:21 (NIV))

Though he was perfect and had never sinned, he was punished as if he had sinned so that we, who have sinned, could be counted as perfect---without sin---and could spend eternity with God.  Because of Christ Jesus we have been completely forgiven of all our sins.  We are 100% pure in God’s eyes, because we have been 100% forgiven.  The debt has been paid in full.

As you reflect on this gift that was given to you, though you did not deserve it---this unmerited favor from God---what kind of gifts are you giving to those who have done wrong to you?  Can you forgive those who have hurt you or betrayed you or deceived you or been evil in your eyes (even if they have done nothing to deserve your forgiveness)?  Can you treat them as if they are 100% pure of guilt toward you?  If you can’t, the weight of their sin falls primarily on you.  It places a burden on your shoulders.  It robs the joy from you and your life.

Forgive them, from the heart.  Release them.  Let that burden be lifted.  Let your spirit be renewed.  And give thanks to God for setting you free.  Only then can reconciliation take place.

God Bless us all as we cut loose those cords of bondage today---this very moment.  Dennis    

I have had the pleasure to spend the last few days with my sweet grandson, Trapper.  He came to visit on Thursday and left this morning.  We did a lot of the usual things.  We went to the tank and caught little fish (down below the dam) with our nets and transferred them to the tank.  We skipped rocks on and swam in the crystal clear water.  We shot the bb gun and rode his dad’s four-wheeler.  (I love to see and feel his little arms and hands next to mine on the handlebars as we navigate through the pasture.)  Except for a few ant bites and mosquito bites and some stinging nettle it was pretty awesome.
We also played all the usual games in the house.  And, as usual, we looked at all the knives in my knife collection.  He asked me if he could have a knife so I took one of the small pocket knives and wrote on the back of it with a sharpie pen “To Trapper, From Pa, 9/1/07”.  It is now stored with my other knives for his future use when he gets a little older. 
And, as usual he spotted the rocks that I have on a shelf in my office.  We talk about them every time he comes---about why I have them and where they came from and the fact that they are “special”.  I’ve got a few rocks that I brought back from Colorado on some youth back-packing trips.  I’ve got a couple of rocks that came from foreign countries.  I’ve even got a couple of concrete chunks that came from the Berlin Wall.  But the favorite rock I have (his and mine) is a white marble rock which came from the same region (and possibly the same quarry) where Michelangelo got his marble to do the statue “David” (which is my favorite art piece of all time.  It just blew me away when I saw it in Florence ). 
He asked me if he could have it and I said he couldn’t take it right now but that I would let him have it some day.  I picked it up and wrote on the bottom of it with a black sharpie the story about the rock and that I was going to give it to Trapper and that I loved him.  Later, when his dad came to pick him up, I let him take it downstairs to show his dad.  As he came back up the stairs I met him as I was going down.  He paused and teared up a little and asked me “why can’t I have it now, Pa?” 
A couple of weeks ago I listened to a speaker talking about our possessions.  He made the point that we only use about 20% of the clothes in our closet but it’s just not hardly in us to get rid of the 80%.  And we are kind of like that with all of our possessions.  We really cling to them.  He said that not only was it good for us to live with less, but that it was so healthy for us to give away something that was valuable to us.  It is good to give away something that is a favorite of ours. 
As Trapper had kept asking me to give him that rock and as I saw him standing there on the stairs so innocently with his eyes welling up with tears I thought about how much I love him.  And I thought about how good it is to give away something that is precious to you.  So I gave him the rock.  I told him he could take it home.  Relief and joy and excitement swept across his face.  I scooped him up in my arms and carried him into the den where he joyfully told his dad that “Pa” said he could keep the rock.  And then we went outside to look for a few more “special” rocks that were small enough to put in his pocket. 
I don’t know if I’ll ever see that rock again.  I hope so.  It truly is special to me (now more than ever).  I hope that it somehow makes it through his childhood and stays in his possession.  It will now be associated with two great memories and it will be a reminder of how much I love him and how much I treasure his love.

I bet God feels the same way about me as I feel about Trapper.  And the gift he gave me was a million times more precious than anything I’ve ever given to anyone.  And when I partake of the bread which represents the body of his son, and when I partake of the fruit of the vine which represents his blood that was shed for me I am so thankful for a God that loved me so much.  In light of that gift, what would I be willing to give to him?  What do I have that is precious that I would be willing to give?  I pray that I’m up to it.  I pray that you are too.  May God bless us as we live for him.  Sincerely,  Dennis        

(I posted the following as a comment on my "Transition" post.  Since not everyone reads the comments, I wanted to post it as a stand alone, as well, because I think the message is powerful.  Enjoy.)
When my youngest son, Jarod, was driving his old ford extended cab pickup too fast one night on the county road, he came to an unexpected Tee.  This meant he had to either stop real fast (too late for that), go straight ahead (and crash through the fence) or to try to make the turn at a high rate of speed.  He elected to make the turn.  He almost made it and I would have never known about it.  If the road had not been graded (I hate it when the county commissioners do their jobs well) he would have slid sideways into the bar ditch and come to a screeching sideways halt.  But, since the road had been graded (those darn commissioners), there was a sharp cut little groove (ditch) on the edge of the road that would not let his tires slide on into the ditch.  Therefore, that became the pivot point for the truck to turn over.  He said it was like slow motion.  His friend, Victor, was in the passenger seat and got the biggest part of the thrill ride since his side of the pickup went highest into the air as it rolled. 
Jarod caught a ride home and told us that he turned his pickup over.  I said “Your kidding.”  He said, “I’m not kidding.”  I said, “Are you all right?”  He said “Yes” and he told us the whole story about what happened.  I loaded him up in my pickup so we could go recover his tools and equipment from the truck.  I told him that I was so thankful that everyone was okay and that no one was hurt.  We went over all the “it’s a shame they graded the road” scenarios and all the “what if” scenarios.  We covered the “what do we need to do next” scenarios.  Never---Not one time---was there an ounce of scolding or “teaching” or “let this be a lesson” or “I hope you learned something”.  We had none of that. 
After we came back home and before Jarod finally went to bed, he came back into our room and said, “I just want to tell you how much I appreciate both of you for not griping at me about this.  I really appreciate it.  It means a lot to me.”  He was at peace and thankful to have parents who didn’t harp on him. 
Our relationship deepened that night.  If we had griped at him, the best we could have hoped for would be that the relationship stayed the same.  Most likely it would have been a little bit diminished.  Because of this and other situations like this, Jarod feels safe to tell us anything now.  How blessed I feel to have that kind of relationship with him.  (It's the kind of relationship I always hoped for.)  He knows we are for him and not against him---even when he messes up. 

That’s what I was talking about in the previous post.  I’m not say we just tell everyone to go out and live wildly and drink and cuss and whatever they want.  I’m saying that we should make this (our church) a safe place to confess our faults and to say I’m struggling without fear of condemnation or self-righteous lecturing (or even humble lecturing in many cases).  Even if we are correct in our theology, if the message is not received then our correctness is wasted.  True love necessarily means that it is more important to take the action that is most likely to achieve the desired result (of bringing that struggling brother back) than it is to take the action that covers our (“we are not going to allow sin and error”) bases.  The first is focused on our brother, the second is focused on ourselves.  The first benefits us all, including our struggling brother.  The second diminishes us all, especially our struggling brother.  God Bless you as you ponder these choices. Dennis

Because of recent conversations I’ve had with several people and because of some things I’ve been reading and a look back at some of my own experiences I feel the need to talk about life transitions---not all transitions, but the excruciatingly painful kind.  I’m talking about the kind of transitions that usually come after a crystal clear moment of realization that “this, the way things are or have been, just isn’t working.  In reality, it never worked very well and in fact it is NEVER GOING to work very well.” (Usually that realization doesn’t come until after one’s life has started falling apart.  After a period of fermentation in the cesspool of life, they are finally (and gradually) reborn in a more reality based state.)  These transitions are usually accompanied by actions that, heretofore, would have been very embarrassing and humiliating.  But, much like those moments between the time you realize that you are about to have a crash (and there is nothing you can do to prevent it) and the actual impact, all you can do is watch in slow motion as the event unfolds.  You feel like the whole world is watching and is going to see and know what a mess your life is in and part of you no longer cares if they do. 
Your “friends” and family become extremely uncomfortable, bewildered, flustered and embarrassed by the course you have (or have not) chosen (or the pickle you have gotten yourself into).  They want you to get back to your “old self” because they were comfortable with that---even if it was dysfunctional or broken and so you get pressure from all sides to “go back”.  But you are not going back.  That way just doesn’t work.
As you were leading up to this moment of crisis your emotions were being pulled and pushed and torn in all directions.  As the realization that the world, as you knew it, was about to come crumbling down you felt panic and dread and embarrassment.  Everything seemed so surreal.  You just couldn’t believe what was happening to you.  You felt totally out of control---totally helpless.  In some cases, even the thought of dying was more agreeable than the thought of living.  The future just looked so hopeless.  There were just so many obstacles ahead.      
These moments of realization can be related to things financial---you are just so weary of trying to make ends meet and you are failing miserably.  They could be spiritually related---you see that what you have been taught all your life and what you have fought for so diligently just doesn’t hold water.  You tried to be exactly what your parents or your spiritual mentor said you should be but you just can’t make it work for you in spite of your best efforts.  Or, it may have something to do with your marriage.  It’s just not working the way you thought it would or should and you don’t know what to do about it, but something’s got to change.  It may have to do with your relationships in general or even just the way you see yourself.  It may have to do with some kind of abuse in your past which you’ve tried to suppress.  Even though you’ve tried to suppress it, it affects your feeling of self worth and guilt and your every action is modified because of it. It may be a combination of these things.  Whatever it is, it impacts every single thing in your life and even though, for a time, you may not know where you are going, you have no doubt that you want to leave the past and the way things were.
In many ways it’s like a death.  The old you (or what you and others perceived to be the old you) has died.  And you are feeling all of the emotions that accompany a death---anger, bitterness, grief, pain and suffering.  It feels like you are going to have to endure these burdens for the rest of your life.  There is no joy in your life.  There are no colors---only shades of gray.  You are lonely, so lonely.  You feel so empty.  Life is so desolate. 
You learn a lot about who your real friends are during these times of transition.  Some people become very critical and judgmental and try to push you back into place.  You quickly grow weary of these people (even if they may be technically correct in their thinking.)  You know that being totally honest to these people about what you are feeling or experiencing will only bring you grief, reprimand, and pressure to conform.  They may love you but they are just not good at sensing when to “shut up” and when to speak and what to say when they do speak.  And then there are those who love you no matter what and they know how to minister to you.  They are a safe haven in which you can find rest.  Regardless of what you’ve done or think or feel, they quietly support you.  They are there for you and don’t look down on you or pressure you---no matter what.  They understand (even if you don’t) that you are in transition and that you are searching for truth and reality and that you might even do some stupid things in the process, but they love you and are pulling for you as you find your way out.  They understand that who you are in transition is not who you are in the end.  They make allowances for you with that in mind.
I think a lot about the loving Father of the prodigal son---how he whole-heartedly, lovingly and enthusiastically threw aside any need to scold or belittle or berate his returning son.  Unfortunately, not everyone has this kind of father or friend to welcome them back and to help them put things in perspective and in order.  Therefore these wandering souls become hardened and bitter.  That’s too bad. 
Even though the son was returning physically, he was NOT the same person as he was when he left---not even close.  He had come to himself.  He had made the transition.  He was a much more humble and reality-based individual than before.  And because his father welcomed him as he did, I’m sure his life was fuller and more effective.  I’m sure he was a much better mentor to others who were struggling in their lives.  I’m sure he was thankful to have a loving and forgiving father to help him make that transition. 
That’s the kind of person I am wanting and striving to be.  I hope everyone who reads this will strive to be that kind of person as well.  That’s the way God has been with us.  It’s just the right way.  God Bless you as you bless those around you.  Dennis

I have a few friends (that I can count on one hand) that fit into a special category in my life.  They sharpen me.  I know that every time I talk to them for more than a few minutes, that my mind is going to be challenged.  I’m not talking about my wife, Bonnie.  She does sharpen me, but she’s more like the Ginsu Knife sharpener.  You know, that “V” shaped apparatus which only requires a few swipes and then you are looking for tomatoes or papers to whack?  She is wise and observant and occasionally she will just put some information together in a way that just makes sense.  Light bulbs come on.  These friends that I’m speaking about---they are more like the old whetstone type of sharpeners.  This is where you lay the knife almost flat---tilt it just a little and pull or push it across the surface or make small circular motions to hone that fine edge on the blade.  If you don’t tilt it enough, you don’t affect the edge, where it needs to be sharp.  It’s wasted motion.  Tilt it too much and you actually take the edge off of the blade.  You make it dull.  It is not only wasted motion, but it actually does damage as well.  Tilt it just right and you sharpen it to a razor thin edge.   My special friends do it just right---and with them, it’s always mutual.  I sharpen them too. 

We talk about all kinds of things, but especially spiritual things.  We talk about the Bible and God and the Church.  We talk about relationships and how to impact others for the good.  But subject matter is not what makes my friends special, because I talk about those kinds of things with lots of people.  What makes these friends special is the give and take between us.  We are not afraid to disagree with one another in good conscience---without judgment or condemnation of one another.  We challenge each other in what we believe and why we believe it.  We try to poke holes in each other’s conclusions and how those conclusions were derived.  At the same time, we are each open to being persuaded.  We each have an understanding that the way we believe about things, though we believe it is right, is possibly wrong and we can be moved if one makes an argument that is more just and powerful than our own.  Our primary goal is not to prove ourselves right.  Our primary goal is to understand what IS right.  More important to us than defending our position is finding out what is the correct position—the truth.  Our feelings are not hurt if we disagree.  In fact, if we disagree and don’t speak up about it then we feel cheated that the other one had a chance to do a little sharpening and let it pass.  We seldom fail to sharpen.   And that is good.  That is healthy.

Unfortunately, that kind of friendship (and/or interaction) is rare.  So many people, especially in the Church of Christ (maybe any church), have the mindset that if you disagree with them then you are being disrespectful of them or those who taught them.  If you disagree with them, your understanding of the truth is inferior.  If you don’t see it their way, you are a danger to the church.  If you disagree too much, you are labeled “divisive” and are relegated to second class “christianship”.

The effect this has is that these people can’t be sharpened with the same type of whetstone.  You could rub on them for days and not see much difference.  Believe me, I’ve tried.  I just get blank stares in return.  Even the Ginsu Knife Sharpener doesn’t work on them.  I’m beginning to think that maybe they have just come out of the preliminary shaping furnace and have been laying in a stack over there in those bins.  The only way you can sharpen them is to lay them on the anvil flatways and start pounding on them with a ball peen hammer.  Then, after you’ve pounded on them for awhile, you take them to the rough grinder.  This starts the smoothing process.  You have to be careful though.  If you don’t periodically dip them in a cooling solution (for those of you in Rio Linda, you have to dip them in water if they start getting too hot) you’ll ruin the edge or they will get brittle and break (it’s not a pretty sight).  Then you have to move them to the fine grinding wheel.  Then they are ready for the whetstone.  Even with all of those special procedures, I’m not sure they can be sharpened.  It’s just that their mindset is that disagreement is bad.  Things must be black or white and you must agree with them because they have the “truth”.  If they don’t condemn you for seeing things differently, then to their way of thinking, they are tolerating evil---and that’s just not an option.  That puts their souls in danger.  And there are no shades of gray.

Sometimes I just feel like writing them off.  But that would make me just like them---and I know that’s not right.  So, I’ll do what I can to bring them around.  Anybody seen my ball peen hammer?  I’ve got some pounding to do.  God Bless.  Dennis      

When Bonnie and I first got married we lived in Abilene in a mobile home.  We rented the lot space in a little one lane mobile home park off of

So much of life is about perspective.  What makes perfect sense to one person makes no sense at all to another---until you hear their explanation.  Then, even if you don’t agree with their perspective, you can at least understand where they are coming from.  God Bless you this week as you seek to understand other people’s perspective.  (And don’t forget to comment on my last post “Can’t we all just get along?”.  It’s very important.)  Thanks, Dennis   

I love labels and I love “junk” mail.  Most people seem to hate both.  But think about how difficult life would be without them.  If all my mail was mail that I had to deal with, like bills that had to be paid, or forms that required more research on my part (so that I could get the information to put in the blanks) or something that required my further devotion, just think how burdensome that would be.  With junk mail, I always know what to do---just toss it.  I don’t even have to open the envelope in many cases.  And, because of junk mail, I always know if the mail man has delivered.  There may be nothing but junk mail, but since its there, I know he/she’s been there already. 

And labels---what would we do without labels.  “Hand me that metal container that is full of those oblong shaped food stuffs in a flavored liquid.”  “Do you mean the oblong shaped food stuffs in the spicy liquid or the slightly sweet liquid with chunks of animal (the kind of animal that grunts and squeals) flesh in it?”   Without labels we would have to talk like that.  With labels we can say, “Hand me a can of beans.”  Do you want Ranch Style or Pork and Beans?”  “Ranch Style, please.”  Labels make it easy. 

When it comes to religion Jesus used labels all the time.  It just makes it easier.  Today, we hear of Liberals and Conservatives and progressives and moderates.  We have a tendency to think that we are none of those but that we are the true center.  We, each one of us individually, are the voice of reason and those on either side of us still need to study a little more to come to a more accurate understanding of the Word.  We, ourselves, are just Christians (is that a label?).  Everyone that believes in more religious freedom or liberties than us is a Liberal.  (Liberals are always misguided.)  Everyone that believes in less religious freedom than us is a conservative. (Conservatives are always close minded.)  It’s kind of like the mindset that we often have that everyone who drives slower than us is an “idiot” and everyone who drives faster than us is a “maniac”.  (That “idiot” you just passed thinks you are a “maniac” and that “maniac” that just passed you thinks you are an “idiot”.)   Every one of us is considered a radical liberal by someone and a radical conservative by someone else.  Each of those descriptions is true in relative terms.  I call myself a “heathen liberal” because I know that many of my critics see me that way.  I’m not offended by that label, though I could be if I took myself too seriously.  In reality, I kind of enjoy calling myself that. However I, too, consider myself to be right down the middle as far as Biblical correctness is concerned.  I’m not trying to convince anyone to move to the extreme left.  I’m trying to convince everyone to move to the dead center---where I am and where things are right.  I call those who see me as a “heathen liberal”, “naysayers”.  I don’t mean anything ugly or personally insulting by that.  It’s just an easy way to describe a certain mindset in a word so that I can spend most of my time describing or delving into a concept that I think is important.  We are all intelligent people here.  Let’s just think about what we do and why we do it.  Let’s get real about how things are and how things work and let’s use that information to mold ourselves into the most effective, inspiring, soul-winning, God Loving, God Worshiping, fellow Christian encouraging, unified team of Christians we can be.  Let’s change the world starting in this little town we call home and expanding beyond that.  Let’s make a difference in the lives we touch.  Then God will give us the label we really like---“good and faithful servants” as he welcomes us home when our job is complete here on mother earth.  God Bless all of you heathen liberals and you heathen naysayers as you seek to understand and to do his will.  And I mean that with all my heart!  I do love you, even though you might not feel like I do.  I really do want us to be unified---even if we never agree on everything totally.  And I know that is possible.  Let’s make the effort.  Let’s continue to have true and honest, non-condemning discussions about what God is calling us to be and to do.  Let’s wear the labels of “friends” and “brothers” and let’s make a difference in this place.  Sincerely, Dennis  

When my youngest son, Jarod, was in elementary school he was in the top of his class.  He was in all the top academic groups and the top behavior groups and he usually was the fastest kid on the daily playground footrace.  His friend, Cody, would win those races sometimes, but it was always one of those two.  He was such a competitor and an ideal student that one teacher told us that if she were to have another kid of her own that she would want him to be just like Jarod.  That was at school.  At home, he was usually a good kid, but sometimes---sometimes he needed to blow off the steam that had built up at school.  He was such an intense person that it had to come out somewhere and sometime.  So, I guess it was better for it to come out at home than at school.  I could identify with him because I was exactly the same way when I was a kid (except for the top of the class part and the running the fastest part).  I had my difficult moments at home, as well.  Several times I’ve heard my mom say that I wasn’t happy unless I had all my brothers and sisters crying.  That wasn’t true, however.  I wasn’t happy even then.  Therefore, I could relate to Jarod’s difficult side.

When he was somewhere around the second grade I remember one day when he was being difficult and I tried several times to persuade him to not be that way.  I threatened him multiple times to no avail.  (My dad used to warn me by saying that if I didn’t straighten up it would be “too wet to plow.”  I don’t know if Jarod would have understood that farming terminology threat or not but I probably used it anyway since that was what was used on me.  It didn’t really even make a lot of practical sense to me (I liked it when it was "too wet to plow") but when dad said it I usually backed off just in case he meant something bad.)   Since nothing was working, I finally spanked Jarod and then I hugged him.  He cried for a little bit and then, after a few minutes, he went on his merry way.  He was like a different child.  He was happy.

It finally dawned on me that it was not easy for him to change his behavior, even if he hated being that way (as I did), without some event to give him an excuse to change.  The only way he could “save face” was if I “forced” him to change by spanking him.  Then, he didn’t have a choice but to change.  It didn’t even have to be a hard spanking.  He just needed an excuse.  With this new knowledge came the realization that I was not doing him any big favors by just continually warning him.  I realized that he was asking, without asking, for an excuse to modify his behavior.  Therefore, from that time forward I didn’t wait so long to spank him.  That way he could get back to his carefree life much more quickly. 

As adults, it is so hard for us to make changes when we are wrong.  We don’t even like to admit being wrong, much less making a change.  And those “events” that help facilitate changes don’t come around as easily and as often as they did when we were kids.  Instead we blame someone else for our shortcomings or our problems.  We harbor animosity in our hearts.  We stress out and lose sleep.  It takes a big person to recognize the need to change and to take the necessary steps.  It takes introspection and humility.  And, unfortunately, it seems the ones who need to change the most are the ones who are least likely to do so.  I have so much admiration for pure and open hearted people.  I hope I am one of those people.  It is my goal to be one.  I hope it is your goal too.  God Bless you as you take a look inside your heart this week.  Be the good parent and child.  Sincerely, Dennis