MuddyPuddles

I have this mutated gene in me that has given me a weird sense of humor in some ways.  There have been many times in my life that I have been in a group of people and something would happen and I would just burst out laughing.  Others would witness the exact same thing that I did but they would see nothing funny about it.  They would be caught totally off guard when I laughed.   They would then give me this strange look and say “what’s so funny?”  Or they would look at Bonnie and ask her what I’m laughing about and she will say “He’s just weird” or something to that effect.  Unfortunately, these episodes often take place at the most inappropriate times and there is nothing I can do about it. 

Also unfortunately, I have passed this gene on down to my youngest son, Jarod.  I remember one time when he was about 6 or 8 years old and he was sitting on the church pew between his mother and me and he got the giggles.  His head was just barely sticking up above the back of the pew but our friends from a few rows back had a good view of the situation.  Jarod would giggle and Bonnie would lean over and threaten him with some kind of stern warning and that would set him off to laughing even harder.  She would lean over again and the whole process was repeated.  Our friends later told us that it looked like Bonnie was leaning over and telling him jokes because his whole body would just bob up and down with laughter every time she leaned over and said something to him.  I didn’t get involved in this particular situation because it was all I could do to keep from laughing myself. 

My manifestations of this problem have often happened in a church setting as well—usually when I’ve been called on to lead singing.  I remember one time when it was the fourth Wednesday of the month and so it was devotional night.  We were meeting in the back few rows of the auditorium as was our custom at the time.  A speaker stand was set up in the middle aisle so we would all be compacted in there together and close to the speaker.  The plan for this particular night was that someone would get up and lead a couple of songs and then someone would get up and lead a prayer or read a scripture followed by someone else leading a couple more songs, etc.  It was all scripted and everyone knew who they were to follow. 

It was my assignment to lead a couple of songs after a certain elderly gentleman had led us in a prayer.  When it came time for this wonderful man to lead the prayer he started walking up the aisle with several books and a notebook in his hand.  He had to hold on to these things with both hands because they were too bulky for one hand.  When he was about two steps from the podium, his pants started to fall down.  They wouldn’t fall unless he took that next step since his spred legs were kind of holding them up.  He couldn’t let go of the books to grab his pants or he would have dropped them.  He needed to take one more step to reach the podium to set the books on but his pants would drop if he did.  He was in a dilemma.  So he took that last step and placed his books on the stand.  Sure enough, his pants fell completely down to his ankles. 
I looked up just in time to take this all in.  He quickly had them pulled back up before most people looked up to see him.  Knowing I was going to have to lead a couple of songs after witnessing that episode had me thinking “Why me Lord?  Why me?” 

He finished his prayer (which seemed very short) and I went forward and announced the song number.  I started the song but I had to stop singing several times to keep from bursting out laughing as the members carried on with the song.  They were all puzzled at my behaviour (or misbehaviour) which made it even harder for me to keep a straight face.  At the end of the first verse I acted like I had pitched it wrong and said something to that effect (so I wouldn’t embarrass the man) and then said “let’s go on to the next song” which I announced.  I was grinning like a possum the whole time.  I just couldn’t help it (weird humor gene in effect). 

Most people didn’t have a clue as to why I was grinning and laughing.  I started the next song and had the same problem with it as I did the first one.  It was all I could do to keep from bursting forth in laughter (as I would have definitely done had it been five years earlier).  When we finally got to the end of the verse (which felt like an hour later) I stopped the song and said, “I had better quit right there” and sat down.  It was a truly inspiring service.  Even though it’s been quite a few years since it happened, I remember it to this day—and so does the friend that reminded me about it. 

Thanks J. 
God Bless, Dennis

About twenty years ago my wife and I were a part of a group of people that had volunteered to teach in a Bible Hour setting for kids from four years old through about the sixth grade.  There were usually about 4 to 6 adults each week that took part in this activity.  There were usually about 50 or more kids since it was a fairly large congregation.  One activity that I was going to participate in with my wife was to lead the kids in the “Creation Song.”  I had never heard of the song so my wife taught it to me during the prior week.  It was one of those songs where the left side of the room would sing the first phrase (“Day one, day one, God made the earth and sun.”) and the right side of the room would repeat the phrase right afterward.  I asked my wife, who was going to take the lead part, whether I was supposed to sing the repeat part at exactly the same pitch or if I was supposed to drop the pitch to a lower note for the repeat part.  She said that I should maintain the same pitch as her.  This was wrong.  You are actually supposed to drop down a notch for the repeated parts.  But, since she told me that it is supposed to be the same, I assumed that she was correct and, therefore, that was how I was going to lead it.  This would have been okay if none of the kids knew the song.  Problem was, about half of them did.  Therefore, after my wife lead her group in the first phrase, my group came in for the repeat part.  Half of my kids dropped down a notch and half of them stayed up at the higher pitch.  It was one of the most bizarre unintentional sounds I have ever heard.  It sounded worse than a train wreck.  I glanced over at a couple of the other adults sitting on the side of the room just in time to see them look at each other and crinkle their faces to reveal their impression of the sound and I just lost it.  I burst out laughing.  There was nothing I could do about it as my wife finished with the first day and then just paraded right on through six more days of creation.  The little four year old children sitting right in front of me did not help my cause.  They were just staring up at me with puzzled looks on their little faces.  They didn’t take their eyes off of me for a second.  In fact all of my group was kind of puzzled by this crazy man who was in front of them laughing uncontrollably through six days of creation.  They weren’t sure just how to react so they stared with puzzled looks, which made me laugh even harder.  We have had several other times  where we’ve gotten tickled but none have compared with that one.  Several of those kids are still in counseling today.  Hopefully they will get out soon.  I still laugh pretty hard when I think back to that freak experience.  I wonder why they won’t let me teach Bible hour now?  After all,  I’ve got experience.   Have a great day!  Dennis

I never got to dance when I was growing up.  It was “against my religion.”  “You never know what might happen if you dance.”  “You never know what it might lead too.”  I hated that I didn’t get to dance because I know I would have really enjoyed it.  But rules are rules.

My future brother-in-law didn’t get to dance either—for the same reasons.  That is—he didn’t get too except for this one time.  He and a couple of his friends went to the dance without his parent’s permission or knowledge.  They mostly stood by the wall and watched other people dance.  Finally one of them said something about a girl that was also standing by the wall.  None of them would ask her to dance until my brother-in-law decided to display his amazing courage.  He asked her to dance.  To his surprise she said “yes”.  He held his hand out toward the dance floor and the girl started walking in that direction.  Then, since he was not warmed up, he decided to do a deep knee bend (like all the macho cool dudes do before they engage in this strenuous activity of dancing).  While going down to get his long massive leg muscles stretched out and warmed up he heard and felt a loud sound of clothing being ripped apart.  He then felt the cool breeze from the backside that you never like to feel.  His pants had ripped big time.  So, like your average macho dudes, he and his two buddies (who were laughing hysterically) made a quick exit from the gym.  They had to go straight to the friend’s house so that the friend’s mother could sew up his pants before he went home.  The girl on the dance floor probably thought she was the victim of a prank.  She never saw my brother-in-law again (for some reason).  He, feeling embarrassed and guilty about the whole thing, thought he was being punished by God for being at the dance.  His mom, she never knew.  And you, if you never knew what dancing might lead too—now you know.

God Bless.

Dennis 

A few years ago we were between preachers in our church.  When that happens, various men of our congregation take turns preaching (unless someone is “trying out” to be our new preacher.) Sometimes we invite a guest preacher (perhaps retired) who is not trying out, but just filling in for us.  At the time of this vacancy, one of our most conservative members knew of a preacher that had recently retired and lived fairly close and he thought it would be good to invite this fellow in to preach for us one Sunday.  So, the Elders invited him to come and he accepted.

Now this conservative brother would have not suggested inviting this man unless he knew that he had a conservative message and mindset (you know—a “defender of the truth”).  But sometimes when one retires he is free to speak more freely than he might be willing too when his paycheck depends on it.  I don’t know if that was the case here but the preacher was definitely “feeling his oats”.  And it showed up immediately as he began teaching the Bible Class before the worship service. 
Instead of teaching in normal speaking sentences, this brother, for some reason, felt the need to interject “Amen?” or “Hello?” or “Hellooo!” after about every third sentence.  It was annoying even to us heathen liberals. 

I imagine that my conservative brother was feeling that ‘Southwest Airlines’ commercial moment that says “Wanna get away?” because this was not the tried and true preaching he was expecting.  I’m sure that he was wishing he had never suggested this brother.

The Sunday morning Bible class took place in the back of the auditorium with a speakers stand brought down the aisle so that all the class members would be bunched up in the back six or eight rows.  I was sitting near the front row on the right side which meant that my head had to be turned about 80 degrees to the left to look at the speaker.  This allowed me to see the most conservative couple in our congregation with my peripheral vision because they were in the row behind me next to the center aisle.  They didn’t know I could see them, but I could. 

They, too, were feeling a little stressed out about all of the “Amen?” and “Hello?” goings on and it was interesting to watch their shell shocked demeaner.  After all, this man had been suggested by their conservative cohort.  Who could they blame it on?

After awhile, since no one in the class was responding to the “Amen?” request, I decided that after the next “Amen?” that I was going to firmly reply “Amen!” no matter what it was about.  So, the preacher began making a point that what ever he was talking about was of God and not of him.  He said, “I’m not smart, Amen?” to which I immediately responded (before my mind had processed the meaning of his words,) “Amen!”.  There was a pregnant pause on his part and a stunned aura that settled over the whole area.  You could have heard a pin drop.  

And then, as if nothing untoward had happened, he carried on.  My conservative couple in the row behind me looked at me and then looked at each other (with crinkled faces) and then looked down and shook their heads in negative bewilderment.  They didn’t know what to think.  Here was this man , invited by their conservative brother, asking for a response and I gave it to him and yet it was an insult (albeit unintended) but it was this supposedly conservative preacher who was being unorthodox, so they didn’t know whether to be disappointed in me or in him or what. 

So, we did what we usually do in those types of situations.  We pretended that it never happened and it just went away.  But in my mind (my mind alone, probably) it still lives on.  Now, as before this incident and thanks to that classic moment, I never say amen until I’m sure I understand what the speaker has said.  I recommend the same strategy to you.  God Bless you today as you live for him!  Dennis

One particular Sunday night, when I was about a sophomore in High School, my friend Danny and I decided to sit in seats near the back right side of the little auditorium.  We had a good view of all that was about to take place. 

Clarence, a middle aged farmer was sitting near the back (a couple of rows in front us) on the left side near the center aisle.  Delton, a local boy who was feeling a little bit of a mean streak because of a girlfriend breakup, was home for the weekend from college.  He had reluctantly agreed to serve the communion that evening. 

Most of the time in the panhandle of Texas the humidity is very low.  Sometimes it is as low as 4%.  It so happens, as well, that we had just installed new blue nylon carpet down the center aisle and across the front of the auditorium.  It was beautiful if I do say so myself.  If you’ve had any experience with the combination of low humidity and new carpet you know that it is almost impossible to prevent static electricity from building up when you walk across it.  If you add to that the fact that the communion was served from aluminum trays, an interesting scene was about to unfold.

After the prayer for the bread, Clarence raised his hand again and Delton began dragging his feet down the aisle toward him.  As he approached, he held out the tray so that Clarence could easily reach it.  Danny and I glanced up just in time to see what looked like a bolt of lightning jump from the tray to Clarence’s outstretched hand.  We heard a loud “craaaccck!!” as Clarence jerked his hand back so fast that all we could see was the fleeting image of where his hand had been. 

Danny and I exploded in laughter.  We were doing our absolute best to contain it but we sounded like a herd of wild pigs as we were snorting and grunting while helplessly and hopelessly bouncing uncontrollably in our seats.  I felt like my body temperature skyrocketed as I was doing all I could to contain the noise.  We immediately began sweating profusely. There were people on each side of us blocking the aisles so there was no easy escape—especially in our state of mind.  Since the electricity had already discharged, Clarence was able to partake of the bread without further incident but we still had the fruit of the vine to go. 

As Delton approached, dragging his feet once again, I’m pretty certain that Clarence was not focusing on the shed blood of Jesus.  He was nervously shifting in his seat and Danny and I were doing all we could to just confine ourselves to our seats.  Clarence lunged at the tray in what looked like an attempt to grab the tray faster than the next bolt of lightning could reach out and grab him. 

This set us off again.  Danny and I were dying as we sat there snorting and choking and sweating.  We were getting several dirty looks but we were so helpless in our dilemma that they had no effect on us except to make us have even less control over our emotions.  Without a doubt, that felt like the longest communion service I ever experienced in my life.  And yet, for all the wrong reasons, it was one of the most memorable as well.

God Bless you on this most special of days as we partake of the bread and the fruit of the vine with thanksgiving in our hearts.  Jesus has blessed us so abundantly in so many ways.  And, though we don’t deserve it, he has given us this free gift of salvation.  Let your light shine especially bright today.  God Bless,  Dennis